Tami’s Meandering Thoughts

Well, today is my last day of class! I cannot believe it. For two years now I have had three primary responsibilities: wife, mother, and student. And now one of those is done. I will admit that a big hole appears on my horizon as I look into next year. Of course, that’s not to say that I will not be busy. No – being a wife and mom (and pastor’s wife) will still consume most of my energy, time and love. However, there’s still a hole. But this week, as I read a prayer out of a book that a friend sent me, I received comfort and hope…

Christ the eternal priest:
Offer our lives to the Father.
Lord you are love itself:
Grant that we may love you.
Give us today the fruits of the Holy Spirit:
Make us gentle and kind.

Although the entire prayer is beautiful and necessary, the first two lines really caught my attention. “Christ the eternal priest: Offer our lives to the Father.” Isn’t that beautiful?

Can you just see that? I have in my mind the picture of Christ, dressed all in white, picking me up and offering me up to the throne of God saying, “Here, this one loves you. What are you going to do with her life? She’s willingly giving it all to you.” That picture gives me hope, it gives me peace, and it gives me patience as I live my life as a wife and mom. Perhaps those two main responsibilities will be the primary ones I will have for years. I will try to have peace with that because I know that Christ has offered my life to God, and thus I need to wait for God’s timing for when he is ready to add another way to serve Him to my plate of responsibilities.

I know it will not be easy. I get discontent so easily. However, I will keep reminding myself of this prayer, and I will continue to pray for God’s guidance and wisdom as he fills my plate. God is good. God is love. God can use each one of us, whether it is as wives, mothers, church members, friends, and/or at paid employment.

Christ the eternal priest:
Offer our lives to the Father.
Amen.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39

I went on my first apart-from-my-family mission’s trip the summer between my sophomore and junior years of high school. It was with a group of teens, organized by a large organization called Teen Missions, based in Florida. The team I went with traveled to England to help a church with their VBS and then we traveled on the canals doing open-air and door-to-door evangelism. Besides a strenuous team-building boot camp in Florida (where I got my first understanding of chiggers), and a rigid set of rules (When I went they had the rule that all teams must wear steel-toed work boots because most of the teams were work projects. So, even those of us who were on evangelism teams had to wear them. Imagine walking through the streets of England in a skirt and work boots! LOL), they also had built-in spiritual development experiences. One of those was a what-I-thought-insurmountable packet of verses that we had to memorize during the summer.

I made it through that summer stronger in many ways, including spiritually. In fact, whenever a difficult situation arises or when I begin to question whether God’s love is really reaching me, I remember Romans 8:38-39, two verses that I memorized that summer in England. These last two weeks these verses have repeatedly run through my mind. Not because I seriously questioned God’s love or provision, but because, when I see the struggles in people’s lives, I just want to assure both them and myself that we do serve a God who cares. Nothing can separate us from the love of God that was shown in Jesus…

Not death or life: Are you scared of death, either yours or a loved one’s? Or perhaps something physical in this life scares you. Remember God breaks through both scary life situations and even death to show his love.

Not angels or demons or any powers: Some people walk around with a fear of the unseen, especially demons. We do need a healthy fear of the supernatural world because it does exist. However, God’s love is more powerful than the angels AND demons.

Not the present or the future: These last two weeks I have talked with a surprising number of people who are going through difficult times, and I have felt quite a sense of how people (including myself) really are living in a befuddled fog as we grope our way through each day, making decisions based on the limited knowledge that we have. However, God’s love comes from beyond our present, breaking into our lives with a burst of hope and light. God’s love also reaches into our future. We should not live in dread of the future, but rather grasp hold of God’s love which will meet us there as well.

Not height or depth: There is nowhere you can go, to a busy office, on a scuba-diving venture, or into the heart of Africa, where God’s love will not be with you.

Nothing will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Amen.

If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, if you do not oppress the alien, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your forefathers for ever and ever.
Jeremiah 7:5-7

One Sunday night a few weeks ago, the Spanish Service at our church had a picnic at a local park. Our whole family went (although most of us do not speak much Spanish!), and the kids quickly found a small swampy area filled with tadpoles. Because I try to foster their inquisitive minds, I allowed them to bring quite a few home with us. We put them in a large glass jar, filled with pond water, and began our watch of their transformation from tadpole to frog. I will admit, there have been some challenging moments like the time when Caleb brought them to the dinner table. After a very brief period of me trying to eat while watching these squirmy creatures, I demanded that they be taken somewhere where I didn’t have to watch them while trying to chew my food! This morning was another “out-of-my-comfort-zone” experience.

You see, some of them have now developed all four legs so they need some land to climb up on. Caleb has a frog habitat container, so our goal was to transfer from the glass jar to the frog habitat all of the tad-frogs (what in the world do you call them at this point in development?) that had already developed all four legs. So, if you were watching our house this morning you would have seen me fishing around in the glass jar, trying to catch the squirmy, wiggling tad-frogs. Ugh. At one point as a tiny tad-frog wiggled out of the scooper and back into the water, I gently and kindly said, “I know you are scared and think I am trying to hurt you, but really I am doing this so you can keep developing and grow. You will die if I don’t catch you.” (OK, so it might not have been that kindly and gently, but it was that basic sentiment!!) Immediately after thinking that, I remembered what I had read in Jeremiah a few days ago.

God was listing the ways in which the Israelites were not obeying him, and then he stated something that caught my attention…they disobey God “to your own harm.” Later God even states, “But am I the one they are provoking? Are they not rather harming themselves, to their own shame?” (7:19) I often focus on the reason why I should not sin is because it might hurt God’s reputation or create a division between me and God. That is true, but in these verses, God doesn’t focus on that. In fact, he seems way above being harmed by anything people do. Instead, God says that our sin will hurt us. Now, I still do think that we should be mindful of hurting God’s reputation with our actions. However, reading that verse and then dealing with the tad-frogs made me realize how often our actions really just hurt us. We may excuse our actions by thinking that we are protecting ourselves or our loved ones. We may even just be acting selfishly because we do not want change or challenge. However, our actions, if not in line with what God wants, will only bring us harm.

As I said, I didn’t really like my job this morning of personally dealing with these tad-frogs that Caleb is nurturing. However, they did illustrate the self-destructive behavior that we often find ourselves in when we turn away from how God wants us to live.

“When this happens,” says the Lord, …”The priests will be shocked, and the prophets will be astonished.”
Jeremiah 4:9

As you may know, last week Tim and I went up to Montreal for three days (well, we were there one full day and two travel days) in order to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary. The reason we chose Montreal was because we love to travel to different cultures, but we could not afford any overseas travel. So we chose the closest international destination that we could easily and relatively cheaply get to. However, even though we like the adventure of cross-cultural experiences, we do not necessarily like the shock of not knowing how to act in a culture. For instance, before we went I stopped by AAA to get their tour book on Montreal. On the way up, we read a brief history of Montreal and a bit about the culture, what to see and where to eat. Although the book didn’t tell us the tipping percentage expected (we did look for that information), it did help us ease into the culture and understand its French history. Without this preparation, we would have been in quite a bit more shock as we maneuvered through French streets, looked at menus written in French, and even waded through French television. Because we were fully aware that we were entering a culture, so close to our own, and yet so French, we got prepared. That is how probably most of us deal with situations that we know may be uncomfortable – we try to prepare our emotions and our minds so we do not feel the shock. So, as I read the verse listed above, I questioned, “Why in the world were the priests so shocked?”

Jeremiah is prophesying about the destruction of Jerusalem, and he gives everyone, including the priests, ample warning. Just read some of these:

“Yes, the Lord has this to say to the people of Judah and Jerusalem: “Your lives are as unproductive as an unplowed field covered with thorns. So get rid of your sin and make a new beginning. Dedicate yourselves fully to the Lord and get rid of everything that hinders your commitment to me, people of Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem. If you do not, my anger will leap out like a flaming fire against you that no one will be able to put out. This will happen because of the evil you have done.” Jeremiah 4:3-4

“The Lord answered, ‘This will happen because my people are foolish. They do not know me. They are like children who have no sense. They have no understanding. They are skilled at doing evil. They do not know how to do good.” Jeremiah 4:22

Even with all these warnings (and these are just two I picked out of chapter 4 to write here), the priests have the gall to be shocked that destruction came. What in the world does this say about the priests? This morning as I read this chapter, that is what I pondered, and this is what I concluded: They must not have recognized or admitted sin. Whether they blatantly ignored it, kindly justified it, or ignorantly accepted it, they did not take seriously the consequences of sin, and thus they were not emotionally or mentally prepared for the destruction that would come.

As usual, I read the Bible this morning not with only a desire to understand what God was saying specifically to the people in the first century and before, but also what this means to me. It wasn’t hard to get the connection! We, as priests, so easily justify our sin and the sin of our nation. At other times we ignore the sin in our lives or choose to not think about it. We minimize the consequences of ignoring God’s standards and rebelliously think we can live however we want. And then, when destruction comes because of our own or our nation’s sin, we will have the gall to be shocked just as the priests of Jerusalem were shocked.

However, just as the priests did have multiple opportunities to prepare themselves and their nation, so do we. I don’t mean that we should become a “stench” in our culture that completely drives away people because of our judgmental, obnoxious behavior. No, we should still live and act with love. We can, however, examine our own lives and ask ourselves, do we “Dedicate ourselves fully to the Lord and get rid of everything that hinders our commitment to God?” (4:4) As long as we, as individuals, and even our entire nation, do not repent and humble ourselves before God, then we should not be shocked by whatever may happen. Let’s prepare ourselves by examining our own lives and dedicating ourselves to God.

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.
Proverbs 16:9

Right after college my goal was to teach for a year or so and then get my Master’s degree for teaching. However, plans changed, Tim entered my life, and then children came. A few years ago, Tim brought my goal back up and, as we talked, we began thinking that, since I have been in ministry of some sort since college, perhaps I should go on to get more Bible training. However, because life is busy, I didn’t really pursue it at that time. Two years ago, at a family Easter dinner, my brother Dan said, “Tami, I’m thinking of going to seminary, do you want to go too?” What could I say??? This is what Tim and I had been planning (unbeknownst to Dan), and that next fall Caleb was going to Kindergarten, so the timing could not have been more perfect. And so, I went…

Tomorrow I graduate with a Master of Arts in Theological Studies. I cannot say that I am any great theologian now, but it has been wonderful sitting in a classroom again and being forced to read and learn – especially about the topic I am most passionate about – the Bible. I will admit, although I am excited, there are two other events this weekend that sandwich my graduation that are not so joyous.

Today Miriam Odell, the 6 year old daughter of Andy and Chriss, has surgery for some sort of advanced pneumonia (or something – they are not quite sure what). We are praying for her. Obviously, seeing her go through this brings to mind many others who themselves struggle with sick children or who know of those who do. Although it would be easy to attack God because he allows these things to happen, we should not. God is love, and he loves little Miriam more than any of us, including her parents. We can pray and place her in her heavenly Father’s arms as he watches over her steps.

The other piece of the bread of my weekend-sandwich takes place on Sunday because Tim’s great-uncle died a few days ago. Sunday afternoon is the funeral, at which Tim will give the message (one that is based on John 3:16, as requested by his great-uncle). You can be praying that God will work in the hearts of those who attend that day.

God does direct our steps, and he is our help and strength, through the good and sorrowful times. I know many of you who read this blog are prayer-warriors. Thank you for praying.

I remember when Miriam was born, and suddenly I was faced with the most difficult job of my life – being a mom. Through these last 12 years of motherhood, I have often reflected back to how my own mom handled situations, how she taught me values, and how she showed her love. So now I wanted to write some of my memories, not just as a journal to spur me on (and possibly encourage all of us!), but as a tribute to my mother on Mother’s Day.

A few weeks after I was born my father was shipped to Vietnam, and so my mother spent the first year of my life as a solo-mom of me (a newborn) and my brother (one year older than I am). I don’t know how wives-of-servicemen do it, but I have respect for my mother as I look back at the challenge of raising two small children while living under the constant fear of a husband’s death.

In the summers mom would make us weed the garden or mow the lawn. I remember, after working what I thought were long hours, Mom and I coming inside. She would pour us drinks and then suggest we play a game of Dutch Blitz during our break. Although I still didn’t like the work, it made it so much more bearable knowing that Mom would take the time to play with me. I still love that game!

Mom would also take time to read out loud to us. Of course, when we were young, it was short books, but fairly early on we were introduced to Lewis’ Narnia, Tolkien’s Middle Earth, and even Ingalls Wilder’s Midwest. Eventually we would take turns reading out loud while the others listened. I am sure this not only made me love reading, but it now carries over onto our children as Tim and I continue the tradition.

Mom also never missed a chance to show her support of our activities. When I was one of the “crowd” in the high school musical “Great Expectations,” she came to all of the performances. When I played my French Horn for the musical, “South Pacific,” again she sat through each showing. Through all of JV volleyball (where I primarily sat on the bench) and football and basketball cheerleading, she was at each game. I can almost guarantee that these were not her favorite activities. I mean, how many times can one stomach a high school version of “South Pacific” just to hear snatches of her daughter’s instrument? How exciting is JV volleyball, anyway? But I knew she would be there not because she loved the experience, but because she loved me. Thanks, Mom.

Most suppers at our house were not just a thrown-together affair or a frozen dinner (although every Thursday night at our home was “T.V. Dinner” night, not because we actually got to eat in front of the t.v., but because Mom would stick in the oven those little personal-size trays of a meat, vegetable, and dessert). Most meals consisted of Mom making a main dish, side dishes and even a dessert. We all sat down at the table together and ate as a family. I will admit, my meals look nothing like Mom’s!

My last memory I’ll share here is seeing my mother sitting in her blue swivel chair in the mornings with a Bible open on her lap. Obviously, I was only home on summer mornings, but because she was so faithful in the summer, I am sure she was also faithful during the school year. Her relationship with God also showed in her dedication to teach us the importance of church. Every Sunday, whether Dad was there or not (he worked many weekends), she would take us to church and Sunday School.

None of us will be exactly like our mothers. Some of us will make better choices, many of us will feel like we are not living up to the example set for us. But on this mother’s day, I want to say, “Thank you” to my mother. I pray my children will one day have such fond memories of our time together.

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship…The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs – heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”
Romans 8:15-17

Rejection. When you think of that word, what comes to mind? Does your mind replay an incident on the elementary school playground? Or perhaps in junior or senior high a friend stabbed you in the back? Even in adulthood, we face rejection from our friends, our co-workers, our spouses, our children.

Rejection. It sounds very juvenile, but on Monday night on the way back from class, as I was thinking about all the different friends I have had, suddenly all the feelings of imagined or real rejection surfaced. Some occurred many years ago, others more recently, but as I thought about it, I suddenly became very fearful. Who is to say that the friends I have now will stay friends? When will I do or say something that will completely annoy them? My children are nearing adolescence; are they going to reject me soon? And what about Tim? We seem very stable and happy, but we all know many spouses who have turned away from their marriage. And then there’s Jesus…when will I do, feel, or say something so bad that he will reject me?

The next morning, as I studied Romans, I read a verse that I have read many times, but its meaning slammed into my lingering fears of rejection. We received a Spirit of sonship. We are God’s children. We are God’s heirs, co-heirs with Christ. Take a moment to actually think about that. That is not rejection. That is amazing acceptance. As long as we believe that Jesus died for our sins (Romans 10:9-10), then we are God’s children. To put it in human terms, although my children may reject me, I will never reject my children. In other words, there will be moments when I say or do something that seem to reject God. However, if I am truly his child, then he will not reject me. Those fears need to be given to God, because as a child of his, I do not need to give in to fear.

I will admit that I didn’t want to write this blog. I didn’t want to open myself up because, as I said, it all sounds so juvenile. However, this morning in my devotions God kept bringing up this topic, and faces of adults that I know who are currently experiencing rejection from spouses, children or family members kept coming to mind. And so I write, not to flaunt my fears of the past week, but to encourage any of you who may be currently dealing with rejection. Rejection is real, whether you are an adolescent or an adult.

Unfortunately, God did not say we would not face rejection. In fact, as an adult Jesus himself faced massive rejection, and the above verse states that we will share in his sufferings. If we stand up for Jesus, a godly lifestyle, or a Christian world-view, chances are we will face rejection by people we love. But not all rejection is due to our Christianity. We also may experience rejection just because we are all human. People change, people argue, people are selfish, people inadvertently say or do the wrong thing. All of these may lead to rejection by people we love.

I don’t have any extremely wise words for when rejection occurs except, be humble. We all make mistakes. Love the other person even if they have misunderstood you or intentionally hurt you, and don’t allow past rejections to cloud your current friendships. Cling to the truth that even though we may face rejection from people, if we are God’s children, then we will not experience rejection from God.

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.”
Romans 5:1-2

Well, I did it. I have rebelled long enough, I guess! I gave in and joined facebook! I will admit, I tend to try to hold out against whatever is popular at the moment, and so I kept putting it off. However, last night I must have been tired, and I created an account. So, now I am in the process of trying to figure it out. For instance, I understand you become “friends” with people. I also understand that when I post something, all my “friends” will read it. What also seems to happen, however, is that all my “friends” will see what each “friend” posts, and thus then they have the opportunity to become “friends.” So far I only have 3 friends, and by this morning 2 of them have connected!

As I said, I went online late last night and signed up, and so I didn’t actually spend much time finding/requesting friends (I spent most of my time reading the “help” section!) LOL So, I went to bed thinking about facebook and then woke up thinking about it. And so I was still thinking about it when I sat down this morning to read Romans 5. The first verse jumped out at me as a perfect example of facebook!

We have peace with God (have found a new “friend”) through our Lord Jesus Christ (we were first “friends” with Jesus Christ, but because we were “friends” with him, we can now be “friends” with God)…OK, so the facebook theology is not really deep, but that fits into another thing I learned about facebook…

Facebook is not meant to really have friends, at least not really deep friends. It is, as it states, a social networking way to just stay in contact with people. However, you don’t actually ask personal questions, get “deep,” or strengthen a relationship. You really just find out the surface stuff people are doing with their time, and what they are, on the surface, thinking about. That’s where my facebook theology breaks down.

God goes deep. Neither he nor our other friend, Jesus Christ, broadcasts everything we tell them to the world. He is a friend who actually wants to know our inner thoughts, our motivations, our failures and fears.

Yes, I am on facebook, and I look forward to socially networking with people. However, I am glad that all friendships do not exist solely on facebook – what a shallow set of friends that would make! I am also so thankful that God and Jesus Christ are much more than facebook friends!

“To all in Rome who are loved by God and called to be saints”
Romans 1:7

We have had some gorgeous days, haven’t we? OK, so it has been a bit cold, but the sun has been out and, when I’m inside I look out and would like to be outside! At least, that’s what happened on Saturday. So, last Saturday afternoon I went out to clean up the dead leaves around the bushes in our front yard. There were handfuls of wet, dead, decaying leaves. However, there were not as many as last year. You see, last spring as I was cleaning up the piles of dead leaves, I realized that it had been a few years since I had focused on the front yard. So there were literally piles of dead leaves nestled in between the bushes and the house. The job was much easier this year, or so I thought…. After cleaning up the front bushes, I walked around to the other side of our garage and, to my dismay, saw leaves in the bushes there. Why did it bother me? Because a couple of weeks ago I had cleaned out the dead leaves from that area!!! More had blown in, making this an ever-present, on-going process. Ugh. I knew there had to be a blog illustration in there somewhere and yesterday, as I began reading Romans 1, it fit.

Now, I know we are called to be saints. I understand that. I have taught that. However, the other day as I read Paul’s words to the Romans, I was again shocked by that thought. Me? A Saint? Whew, that’s a pretty high calling, and I am pretty sure I cannot live up to that one! So, I began reading to find out what, exactly, Paul meant by that (in other words, is there some way that I am, possibly, a saint?). In his writing, Paul often will give lists of sins, and Romans 1 includes one of those lists. As I got to it (1:29-32), I thought about my own life, and my un-saintly-ness was pretty apparent. Here’s the list: wickedness, evil, greed, depravity, envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice, gossip, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant, boastful, disobedience to parents, senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless, knowing God’s righteous decree but not doing it. Now, most of us probably have not sinned in ALL of these ways, but I can guarantee that if you were to read it while examining your life, then you would be convicted just like I was. Those made me think of the dead, decaying, ever-present leaves…

Most of you who read this probably are not murderers nor would you be considered ruthless. However, what about a gossip or someone who has slandered someone else? Have you ever boasted about anything? These are the dead leaves in our lives. They are ever-present, and, just when we think we have them cleaned up, more will blow in. It may get discouraging, battling these leaves – I mean, if we will never completely clean them out of our lives, then why even try? As my front yard illustrated, it’s a mess if you leave dead leaves around for a few years. There are bugs, rot, and smell that accumulate. The piles become overwhelming. It is an ever-present battle, but it is easier to battle handful-by-handful than to give up and allow the sin to accumulate.

While getting a bit depressed about the dead leaves in my life, I went back to Paul’s greeting to the church in Rome. He says they were called to be saints. You know what? Those Christians in Rome were no different than you and I. They sinned, they picked up the dead leaves; they even allowed some to sit and rot. But Paul still reminded them that they were saints. That encouraged me. Yes, it’s a battle, but there is hope. God loves us so much that he has called us to be saints. There is beauty under the leaves. So, let’s put on our gardening gloves and battle the leaves, and while doing so remember that we are “loved by God and called to be saints.”

I have not figured out a way to do different fonts on this blog (I can’t even write in Microsoft Word using a “fun” font and then copy/paste it over here!). Oh well. You will just have to use your imagination. Pretend I am using some sort of swirly, creative, elegant font as I say,

I hope you have a peaceful, convicting, hopeful, joyful Good Friday and Easter!

-Tami