Tami’s Meandering Thoughts

“But as the believers rapidly multiplied, there were rumblings of discontent.”
Acts 6:1a

May I share part of my heart with you – a part that convicts me and that may open up conviction in all of us? I am not sure I have the words to write about this, but yet the last two days in my devotions I have gotten so excited that I decided I would share with you. In fact, before you read further, could you stop to pray that God would give you the wisdom to approach this with the attitude He would want you to have? Thanks….

Here’s some background (which some of you know). Two years ago was pretty rough in our lives. There was so much arguing, dissention and complaining at the church I actually dreaded going. And we didn’t know what to do about it. We questioned whether God wanted us to leave, whether we had “outlasted’ our ministry here, what God’s purpose was for us to be here. Then last summer something happened. Honestly, I don’t even know what it was. I do know that in mid-June or early July I noticed the church wasn’t as oppressive as it had been. Then while at Montrose Camp (I taught the chapels in the morning and evening and in the afternoon spent my time on walks praying) God gave me such an excitement for the church. It was as if He was saying, ”Don’t give up there; I have a plan for that group of people who calls themselves the West Oneonta Baptist Church”. That feeling lasted all year. However, I must admit there are times when I say, “OK, God, what are you planning? I feel like there will be a revival of some sort, but I don’t see the church growing.” It’s not that I want huge numbers, but I do want growth. Again, questioning occurs, but this year has been a year of peace for me about the ministry of the church. Then this week the excitement mounted again.

I know God has miraculous power. I know he can heal us of our attitudes, selfishness, anger. I know He is the God of peace and love but also justice and wrath. I know He is the God who can accomplish ANYTHING. I so want everyone in West Oneonta and Laurens and the entire area to know this wonderful God who we know. And yet, for some reason, it’s not happening. So, I ask myself why? Why isn’t the church growing? Why isn’t it a powerful tool in the hands of God? Now, I am not saying that individuals are not learning a lot and that God is not working powerfully in the lives of those attending, but why does it feel like God isn’t radically expanding his kingdom through this group? It would be so easy to point fingers here – the pastor isn’t Billy Graham, people are not friendly enough, people don’t feel connected, there are too many cliques, there are not enough outreach programs….However, as I heard once, if you are pointing your finger at someone else notice that 3 fingers point back at you.

So it seems that perhaps we need to examine ourselves. Are we ready for growth or, if we grow, would we be swallowed up with arguing and discontent? In order to prepare ourselves for ministry, I constantly evaluate my heart, my motives, my actions. Obviously, that gives me a fairly bleak picture of who I am, but a great view of a forgiving God. Just in case you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ll list some questions here for you to ponder, question and pray about. If you get upset with me or God as you read then I suggest you step back and honestly ask yourself why you are upset. Is God trying to teach you something? Before I begin, I will reiterate – these are questions I ask myself. Please don’t think I am pointing fingers at anyone – I have no one in mind as I write these!! None of us will “score perfectly” on these questions – we are human! However, being aware of our sin and confessing it to God is the first step of revival. Please approach these with prayer!

Since James is one of my favorite books, I will take these questions directly from there:

1. Am I angry at God for some trial He has allowed in my life? (James 1:2)
2. Is there a decision I am making that I am leaving God out of? Am I earnestly asking God for wisdom in decisions I make? (James 1:5)
3. Do I doubt God’s power and his ability to act in a loving and merciful but just manner in any situation I am in? (James 1:6)
4. Do I thank God for whatever financial situation he has placed me in? (James 1:9)
5. Is there a temptation that I have given into? (James 1:16)
6. Am I quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger or do I easily shift blame to others? (James 1:19)
7. Am I living what I say I believe or just “being a Christian” because it is what I’ve always done? (James 1:23)
8. Am I aware that God hears everything I say and someday He could broadcast that so everyone hears? Is there anything I’ve said lately that I would not want published in the newspaper? (James 1:26)

Well, that’s James chapter 1. I will stop there since there is so much conviction for me right in those questions! As you pray about your own life, will you also join me in pleading with our King to use our body of believers to reach those around us? Will you join me as I beg God to prepare us and then use us to further his kingdom? Since I am not a prophetess, I cannot guarantee what God’s plans are. However, how could there be harm in asking our Father to make himself famous through us?