Tami’s Meandering Thoughts

“The wilderness and the dry land shall be glad, the desert shall rejoice and blossom”
Isaiah 35:1

I am an optimist. There it’s out. At school we took a couple of ministry/personality tests last fall and winter. One thing it pointed out about me was that I am an optimist. I probably could have told you that before taking the test – my mind usually does try to grasp the “good thing” of any given situation. That does not mean, however, that I never get discouraged. Take last night for example…

Background: If you read the blog last week, you know that last weekend I had a seminar on Staten Island. Since Miriam went with me to the last seminar, I took Ryan this time. As we drove off of our street, the mom of one of Miriam’s friend’s called. She is from NYC, so I told her about our trip to Staten Island and asked if she had any recommendations for what to do. She recommended the Staten Island Ferry, a huge boat that runs from Staten Island over to lower Manhattan. Not only does it run right by the Statue of Liberty, but it is free!! Optimist thought: Wow, it is so great that she called right as we were leaving. I didn’t know what to do and that will be a wonderful thing to do with Ryan.

We stopped for lunch in Hancock so I could show Ryan the town I taught in for one year. At the McDonalds a woman engaged me in conversation. Wouldn’t you know it? She was from Coudersport, PA where one of my best friends from college lives. She even knows Christine & her husband! Optimist: God has even worked out for me to meet this woman and get into conversation. How cool is that?

The ferry was wonderful. Spending time with Ryan was great. When we got back to the hotel after going on the ferry, I noticed that the pastor of the church had left a cooler with snacks, Starbucks bottled iced-coffee…Optimist: Wow, I have never had a cooler of snacks left in my hotel room. That was surprising but such a nice touch.

So, how did the seminar go? I thought it went well. I pray for those kids. However, they come from such a different background than I do. So, then the questions come…

Last night the discouraging time hit. (Have you found that? Whenever I have a spiritual or ministry “high” I can always count on having a “down” time afterward!) So, I began thinking about: 1. All those people in the city who don’t have the hope of God. How in the world are we supposed to reach them? 2. I thought of the children – I don’t know their background, but I know the church was in a “bad” section of Staten Island. What did these kids face everyday, and did God use this at all in their lives? How does one give hope in those situations? 3. Schoolwork still needs to be done: For what purpose? I just want to spend time with my kids who have this week off of school! 4. Irrational thoughts; Why are we here? Does ministry really matter anyway? God is in control, does he really need me anyway?….

Please know I am not complaining. My mind goes to these thoughts and questions. It gets discouraged so easily. Then I picked up Isaiah 35 and read. I won’t put it here, but pick it up and read it when you get discouraged. Then turn to Isaiah 40-41. God does not need us. He is beyond everything and anything. However, he is not a distant force just to be obeyed. He cares. He makes the wilderness bloom. Now, I understand that these promises were written for Judah and not for us. However, the traits of God do not change. He is compassionate; he is mighty; he is in control; and he does LOVE.

Although still a bit “down,” my optimism has mostly returned. We need to stay focused on God. For when our eyes turn to ourselves – our hurts, our frustrations, our questions, our doubts, our discomforts, our overwhelmed feelings – then we will get discouraged. However, if we ask God to help us look beyond ourselves and focus on God, then we will be able to continue on. Purposefully give God all the items you feel overwhelmed with. He can handle it. We cannot. He is able to make a flower bloom in the desert.