August 2nd, 2008
Regrets
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10
A few weeks ago we went camping in the Adirondacks with the Odells and Tim’s brother and family. Although both Tim and I attended the same college as Chriss and Andy, we only vaguely knew who each other were. Now that we live in the same area and have become friends, it is interesting to compare college notes from different angles. One evening as we discussed Houghton’s mandatory chapel system, I admitted that I only ever missed one chapel (and wouldn’t you know, it happened to be the one with the student-streaker which will go down as infamous college history!!). As I thought about why I attended chapel so faithfully, I realized that I always try to meet others’ expectations. Whatever I am supposed to do or asked to do, I will try to accomplish it to the best of my ability. As with many of you, I daily battle with the self-condemnation which comes when knowing I am not meeting either my own or someone else’s expectations, needs or desires. That’s why I so often wake up with regrets.
This morning, as I woke up, I began thinking of the Nursery School which ministered to children and families in our area for many years. Two years ago, through a variety of circumstances, the church’s 3-mornings-a-week preschool program had no director/head teacher with only one month before school started. Therefore, as pastor’s-wife-who-enjoys-education-and-who-rises-to-meet-expectations, I stepped in and taught for a year. It was a wonderful year (you can read some about it in the first few months of this blog – I was teaching during the 06-07 school year). However, due to a large graduating class and a lack of “new” children, we decided to close the preschool. So this summer Edith and I have been going through the “stuff” and dismantling it. This morning I woke up with regrets wondering if we made the right decision. Was I too selfish in not returning to teach even just a few children? Was I too hasty in deciding not to pursue this ministry? By donating the items to other programs, we are completely and absolutely closing this program. As I prayed about these regrets this morning, I noticed this verse from Galatians.
Who am I trying to please? Whose expectations am I living up to? In this instance I don’t want to “let down” the church and close a program which has been successful for so many years. However, I should not make decisions based on pleasing people. (I have heard people use this verse to “prove” they should cause disunity and strife because they are following God with no regard to anyone else. This verse must be used in conjunction with other passages of the Bible which talk about loving others and striving for unity). No, I don’t want to do anything which will hurt the church. But, as I prayed about it, I realized that my regrets regarding the preschool do not rest solely in not wanting to disappoint the church. The regret is based more in the desire to not let God down rather than pleasing the church. Because, if God wanted the program closed, then it doesn’t matter what people think/say.
As I prayed about my regrets for the preschool in light of displeasing God, I noticed a verse earlier in the chapter. “Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” (1:3) Peace. God wants to grant us peace. It is too late to rethink decisions made in the past. And so, I pray that God will give peace.
Do you ever have regrets or second-guess decisions you have made? I think we all do. I have no counseling degree, but from these verses I think we can be assured that, when facing these regrets we must examine our motives. Are we pleasing God or man? If man, then we are working under expectations too heavy for us to accomplish. If God, then rest assured, if decisions are made with prayer, we must rely on God to show us his will and to then give the peace needed to live with our decisions.